Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the zany aisle. Today we are settling something. Which animal sport on this store would be the most catastrophic to actually attend?
Judges are ready. Let us begin.
Fifth Place: Yoga
Cow Yoga and Hedgehog Yoga lose points for being genuinely peaceful. The cow is already lying down. The hedgehog has curled up and gone to sleep.
Lovely. Calm. Almost no chaos at all. Disqualified on grounds of serenity.
Fourth Place: Volleyball
Strong Owl's Volleyball brings genuine athleticism. An owl at the net is a terrifying prospect because you would never hear the block coming.
Controlled. Precise. Not chaotic enough for the podium.
Third Place: Football
Foxed Football and Mouse Football together are a real problem. A fox is fast and dishonest. A mouse is impossible to tackle.
Points deducted only because football already looks like this.
Second Place: Handball
Bullish Handball is a bull. Playing handball. Indoors.
The commentary would just be a long sustained noise. Excellent work, very nearly the winner.
First Place: Hockey, Obviously
Raccoon Bandit Hockey, Monkey Hockey Puck and Hockey Mouse on the same sheet of ice is not a game. It is an incident.
Masked bandit, unhinged monkey, untouchable mouse. Nobody is finding the puck. Nobody is finishing the period.
Honourable Mention
Guitar Goat at Sunset is not a sport and made the list anyway, purely for the confidence of showing up to a sports store with a guitar.
Respect where it is due. That goat knows exactly what it is doing.
Written by AMAZOOMANIA. Thanks for reading.